Thirteen

My Boat Race

Bloggers block. This is bad. This is only my thirteenth post and I’m already blocking like a mo’ fo’. But I do have reasons (or excuses… I will continue to call them ‘reasons’). I have a million and one things I would like to write and go on and on about but can’t. I can’t talk about sex, because my dad reads this. I can’t talk about turning into my mother because my mother reads this. I can’t talk about friends because they may read this. I can’t talk about relationships (truthfully) because my boyfriend reads this. I can’t talk about work because if this blog is ever discovered by anyone in here, it won’t be pretty. I can’t talk about women issues, again because my boyfriend reads this (he’s supposed to think I’m perfect; of course I’m naturally hairless and I never poop). Oh, I forgot… I’m not supposed to talk about poop because my cop friend Don reads this and hates poop talk. SO NOW WHAT?

For now, I’ll just keep my feelings locked up in the little blog no one ever reads that is my brain. Oh alright, I’ll give you a little taster. It goes a little something like this; hit it:

  • If I run away, do I have to continue paying the mortgages?
  • How will they get paid if I’m supposedly missing?
  • If I go to the USA and miss my return flight home, how long will it take them to discover me and kick me out?
  • If I move back to London, how long will I be able to stand the greyness?
  • Have they discovered a cure for SAD (seasonal affective disorder)?
  • If I quit work so I can focus on writing my book, how long will I be able to survive (i.e. how many minutes)?
  • Is the rumour that all men are pigs true?
  • Really?
  • Is the grass always greener on the other side?
  • How green are we talking?
  • Will people always want the greener grass?
  • Is complete heterosexuality a myth?
  • How old is too young for botox (society’s standards and an unbiased doctor’s opinion)?
  • Instead of botox, should I just cut a fringe?
  • If I cut a fringe, will I look like that girl from The Pierces as opposed to Quasi Modo?
  • (Dad: look away now) At what age do people stop having sex?
  • Is drinking seven cups of coffee a day at work sort of like stealing from your employer?
  • Is my heart supposed to be beating this fast?

Feel free to shed some light.

I’ve decided that it is completely reasonable that my thirteenth post be this bad and shouldn’t settle for anything better. I’m just gonna go with it.  *Clicks ‘Publish’*

5 thoughts on “Thirteen

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